Why do so many people want spiritualist wedding ceremonies?

There have been extraordinary changes in how people celebrate their weddings, not just in terms of expense, but in the rise in “spiritual but not religious” celebrations.
In 1994, just over nine out of ten marriages were celebrated in Catholic Churches. In 2023, 35 per cent (7,256) of wedding ceremonies were Catholic and 32 per cent (6,808) were civil ceremonies, according to CSO data.
Surprisingly, in 2023, 60 per cent of all opposite-sex marriages marriages were religious ceremonies. The figures include small Christian denominations and other world religions but as institutional religion declines, some 16 per cent of religious weddings represent what might be described as eclectic, individualised, subjective spirituality. Some 215 or roughly a third of same-sex marriages were religious.
The decline in Catholic ceremonies is not surprising after decades of scandals and a rapidly secularising Ireland. If people no longer believe in what the Catholic Church teaches, it is far better to avoid a Catholic ceremony rather than just participating to please Mammy or Granny. A civil ceremony, a religious ceremony, or a secular ceremony (mostly conducted by the Humanist Association of Ireland) are all valid under Irish law if they meet certain legal requirements and are conducted by a solemniser licensed by the State.
While secular bodies such as humanists have to meet certain criteria, such as having more than 50 members and having been in existence for at least five years, religious bodies, defined as “an organised group of people, members of which meet regularly for common religious worship”, have no such restrictions.
The definition of religion for non-mainstream religious solemnisers is pretty broad. It includes pagans, druids and witches, and recently-formed religious bodies.
Entheos, for example, was conceived by Karen Dempsey (also known as the Bald Priestess) during the lockdown in 2020 and submitted to the Office of the Registrar General as an inclusive, non-denominational religion. The organisation now has 81 celebrants and in 2023, carried out 237 weddings, just slightly less than the 242 that the Church of Ireland celebrated. Entheos describes itself as “actively challenging and changing the heteronormativity and stereotypes of the ceremonial world”, with a particular focus on those it describes as having been “ostracised, marginalised or otherwise left behind by traditional faith paths”.
The Spiritualist Union of Ireland is the largest single provider of opposite-sex wedding ceremonies after the Catholic Church – that is 1,674 or 7.9 per cent of all marriages. Spiritualists promote communication with the dead among other things, and used to offer to have dead relatives present at the ceremony, although that aspect is now downplayed. It seems clear that most couples choosing this option are not endorsing mediums but just commissioning someone to carry out a self-designed wedding celebration. Legally, neither civil nor secular weddings can mention religion or spirituality. So there is still a substantial appetite for spirituality in some form.
Of course, spirituality is not the only factor driving the rise in bespoke wedding ceremonies. Weddings are vital sources of revenue for hotels and other venues and being able to offer a one-stop shop for both the ceremony and reception increases profits. The average cost of a wedding in 2022 was €36,000, and the biggest chunk of that goes to the venue.
The rise in eclectic wedding ceremonies poses challenges for established religions like Catholicism, particularly if churches are perceived as not addressing genuine spiritual searching.
There is a lot of research on the benefits of religion and spirituality but it seems to indicate that benefits accrue more to those who are active members of communities with traditions and obligations rather than to just individualised spirituality. The mainstream churches are failing to communicate that message. Some US dioceses now allow Catholic weddings (without a mass) in venues other than churches. I have explored this aspect further in a paper for the Iona Institute (of which I am a patron.)
However, the churches cannot and should not attempt to compete with a spirituality which is essentially whatever a couple wants it to be.
The Catholic understanding of marriage is that it is not just a private commitment between two people, but a solemn sacrament mirroring the love of Christ for the church that is witnessed and supported by a faith community. Provided couples are embracing other forms of spirituality with open eyes, the church should focus on having confidence in what it has to offer and communicating that well.